Response to: “How do make/find time for friendships while being a busy parent?”I think about this a lot. One of the many ways in which becoming a parent was a bit terrifying for me was losing this sense of “self” which for me it’s a lot shaped in part by who I spend time with. I’m an extrovert and really love and find purpose in meeting other people and really connecting with them. When I was younger I traveled a lot (sometimes intentionally by myself) just to meet people. I also engaged in a million activities with very different communities to meet different types of friends (concert goers, sports, nerds, etc). I always wondered, will this go away? And while it hasn’t completed disappeared, it has definitely slowed down. So what do I do? I reflect on what worked for me when younger and used to put myself in positions where I would have to do work to meet people (like when I moved countries more than once). The tactics remain the same! Here are some favorites: BE THE HOST. Chances are many other folks you run into would also like to see you again, but are just running into the same issues as you (like, you would we make it happen?). What I found works great is just make it VERY EASY for them to spend time with you. And make it easy for you as well (ie do what you love and share). I happen to love BBQing —and many people love attending BBQs— and I’m also a certified sommelier, so I’d be grilling and wining anyways. I just invite people often (eg our kids parents that we are meeting at school) to come and folks are always delighted and we are able to connect that way. BE THE ORGANIZER. A variation of above is folks looking for fun things to do. “Let’s go out some time” —> not gonna happen. But, “hey I’ve booked tickets for this concert on such date at this venue, my wife and I are going and we think you’d love it and we’d love if you joined” —> much higher chances of working. You might end up going on your own (which, fine, that’s a date!) but we’ve seen this also gets people motivated (it’s all planned, it’s a vetted event, and it will be an outing with other folks) BE THE NUDGE. Sometimes all it takes is that little courage to bug folks to actually follow through on the “let’s hang out” statements. Most people I found really actually welcome the nudges (as opposed to feeling pestered by them) so I’ll start a periodic, hey, let’s get something on the calendar. Or, how’s your actual availability coming up? And catalyze something. And if they are bothered by those pings… that’s also great; you know those are folks you probably wouldn’t get along with anyways as the “interest” is not reciprocated so better to spend effort elsewhere.
Response to: “What advice would you give yourself as a first-time parent?”I would boil it down to these three: 1) Trust your instincts. There is so much information out there and advise from folks who genuinely want to help that I can actually be somewhat counterproductive / overwhelming when having to decide. So, definitely listen to others you trust, educate yourself and so forth. But when faced with some decision, take a deep breath and go with what feels right for you, your baby and your partner. 2) Do what you need aka put your own mask on first. The sleep deprivation is real. Physical exhaustion. Mental load. Plethora of emotions. Those first months can take a toll while you are learning to raise a baby and your whole life is changing abruptly (sense of identify, perceived loss of “freedom” and many other manifestations —all unique to each individual). If I were a first time parent again, I’d be a lot less apologetic with doing the things I just felt I needed to take care of myself. For example, every time an employee asks me for some time off to take care of their newborns I get shocked that they are even asking because my answer is always ‘yes of course, do what you need’. But I bet they are feeling anxious about asking for permission, say, after just returning from parental leave. It’s a bias we all have, but I found that others are way more understanding and supportive than we might believe 3) Ask for help. Related to point #2, my final advice would be to reach out. Many people are ready willing and able to help! They might just not know how. Or might be shy about proactively doing things for you if they think it might be counterproductive (eg maybe they want to visit you but they think you prefer some time alone). So, ask away, and be specific, and you’ll be surprised! People will love to be told what to do to help you how you want to be helped.
Response to: “Is there anything you've given up minimized or banned from your home to make the house run smoother?”We never really allowed watching TV during dinner. Both @moni and myself were raised this way (at my house growing up there was not a TV set where the dining table was) and it forced everyone to be present at the table and engaging in conversation (or just listening in silence, but you couldn’t just finish eating and leave, you had to be there for the whole meal). I now see how smart that was (unsure if intended or not, there wasn’t much to watch anyways those days lol!). So unless we are doing a movie night and we are eating at the sofa watching TV together as an activity, there’s no screen. But, recently we also banned TV / screens Mondays through Wednesdays even after dinner. We used to let them go watch a bit of TV post dinner while we did a half hour of cleaning up, prepping next days’ launches, etc. Now we just tell them they can do whatever (play, read) but no TV. It has been a huge difference as we now sometimes play together (eg board game) or they each go do whatever suits them even if they are tired. We’ve also become a lot more ruthless with decluttering and having generally fewer toys. We involve them in finding the ones they don’t use anymore and explain they can be donated to other kids, etc; and we’ve found this also really helps them just appreciate more the (still plenty) toys they have or play just using their imagination. And the peace of mind we have by seeing the living room and not be a total chaos of toys everywhere is priceless, we feel we are re-gaining some sense of “calm” amidst the chaos.
Response to: “What’s the most important part of your bedtime routine with the kids, and why?”There’s a lights on and lights out two-part routine. While the lights are still on (putting them in PJs, brushing teeth, ensure they go pee) we might do some play —I know, counterintuitive, you’d think you are getting them all rattled but that final release of energy then really helps calm them down! and it’s so much fun— Once we turn off the lights we might do story time (we each make up a story and tell it out loud) or reading (together or now individually they get to pick a couple of books each). At some point is quiet time and I typically will stay with them while they actually fall asleep If they’ve had a super busy and fun day they can fall asleep more quickly. If they had a long nap… well, I need to remind myself that it’s actually great that they want me in the room even if the whole thing takes more than 1 hour sometimes! Since I know it won’t last forever. And I just try to enjoy that moment and not letting my mind be stressed that I still need to clean dishes or do some work or whatever. Not easy, but when I can truly be present it’s pretty special
Response to: “What’s one thing you need on a beach day with the kids?”Always, forever, the Veer! Haul kids, picnic, towels, toys and you never will have to leave the beach! https://a.co/d/5yBnOaZ
Response to: “What’s your go-to dinner recipe when you need a quick, healthy meal?”Milanesas! An Argentine staple (unofficial “meal of the country” which even has a dia de la Milanesa May 3rd!) it’s a favorite of all ages You can make them out of beef, veal, chicken, fish, soy… pick your protein! The protein is thinly sliced and wrapped in crumbled bread which is mixed with eggs and seasoning so it becomes a sort of schnitzel (key difference there’s no flour involved). Pre heat oven at 375-400F and bake for 12-15 mins. Boom. It’s that easy, even if they are coming from the freezer, which is how we usually roll. We make pounds and pounds of them on a given weekend and freeze them in batches in ziplocks so all you have to do is take one out, bake and maybe prepare an easy side (rice, mashed potato both work great). - You can also fry them and then you’d be in heaven Finally, you can add topings! (each topping combination in Argentina has a name :) - Napolitana with tomato and cheese - A caballo (horseback riding) with a Sunnyside egg on top - Completa with ham cheese and tomato - and many more! your imagination is the limit! Here’s a recipe link: https://www.tasteatlas.com/milanesa/recipe Enjoy! PS Yes Milanesa would have you thinking they are from Milan… and the inspiring dish is indeed from there: the yummy cotoletta alla milanese
Response to: “What’s your favorite episode of Bluey, and why?”It has to be the BBQ one! First because well, bbq! But also I love how she learns that the whole point of hosting a meal, despite the hard work, is to be around friends and have them have a great time!
Response to: “What was the best gift you received as a new parent?”Let’s be honest. It was way more difficult for @moni than it was for me, so deservedly, I (and friends) were mostly thinking how to support her with anything we could. For me, I was gifted a Bob runner stroller, which when they are so little you can’t use but feel great that someone cared that I could continue to run while on baby duty. As soon as Julian was strong enough to sit upright, we were out and about in the neighborhood doing runs and giving Moni some breaks! https://www.amazon.com/BOB-Gear-Revolution-Suspension-Adjustable/dp/B0829PMJ8D/
Response to: “What are your must-have items for traveling with kids and why?”Crib: While many hotels or airbnbs will have cribs, when you need a travel one, we’ve been very happy with the Guava. https://www.amazon.com/Lotus-Travel-Crib-Lightweight-Comfortable/dp/B00AKKDSNG The Guava is lightweight and really gets compact when folded —it has an interesting folding mechanism that turns it into a “brick”. We like the mesh on the side and how easy it is to assemble. For car trips it’s a no brainer and for plane trips we have always checked it on its own bag and never had an issue (when it’s folded the legs are well protected of any bends if they are mistreated)
Response to: “What are your must-have items for traveling with kids and why?”+1 to bringing activity books, sticker pads the likes. But we also allow tons (unlimited? :) screen time once in the plane! We’ve found the Amazon Fire Kids tablets to be very sturdy and have this great case with good grip that’s basically part of the device. And they are cheaper at <$100 for the non-Pro version (which is not needed for kids). With the basic version you can download plenty Netflix or Disney series and movies as well as games (Amazon Kids has a surprisingly good selection of age appropriate games that our kids love). https://www.amazon.com/Amazon-Fire-Kids-tablet-Top-selling/dp/B0C8C2NZMQ/
Favorite sunscreen (for you, not the kids) that won't make you go blind temporarily?OK, maybe that’s an exaggeration. But I’ve yet to find a sunscreen that will not rundown my forehead and into my eyes when out running or biking with the minimum amount of sweat and totally irritate my eyes. I need something that will stay in place and hopefully not feel like a coat of paint on the skin3 answers