Response to: “What advice would you give yourself as a first-time parent?”when i was getting ready to be a dad, perhaps without thinking about it too deeply, i believed that newborn babies arrived perfect: they had just spent the last nine months being built in an ideal environment, with no meaningful outside influences, and on their birth day they were clean slates ready to learn to be a person. you could say that on the question of “is it nature or nurture?” i was all in on nurture. if you think about it, that’s a pretty stressful place to be. here i am, a brand new parent, barely capable of keeping my own life together, and i’m about to be handed a perfect baby — all i can realistically do is damage. i worried about everything: if she doesn’t get enough sleep, will her brain be too tired to learn? what if she gets too much sleep? will she become lazy? she should be exposed to just the right amount of social stimulation. she should get outside, but not so much that she’s exposed to pollution! she should hear soothing music, or maybe upbeat music, but nothing too aggressive. 😱 ok, i’m exaggerating — a bit — but the fact was that i felt like everything needed to be perfect, because she was perfect, and i didn’t want to mess her up. it was also paralyzing: every decision could have totally inadvertent and unknowable long-term consequences. then we had our second baby. i had learned so much, and this time i was going to make fewer mistakes. but what i quickly learned was that he was just a completely different person from his sister. from day one, he saw the world differently than she did: he wanted to figure things out on his own, didn’t care much about safety, had an ironic sense of humor, and wanted NOTHING to do with vegetables. he was SO different in hundreds of subtle, surprising, annoying, adorable ways. my brain slowly — but eventually — realized that these two people were people long before i met them, and nothing i could do would change who they are. so my advice to my past self would be: your job as a dad is not to protect and shape your kids into who you want them to be, it’s to help them navigate this crazy world — including the craziness they brought with them — so they can live their very best lives. and just for the record: my kids are still 100% perfect.
Response to: “What was the best gift you received as a new parent?”when i found out i was going to be a dad, a coworker gifted me a copy of Baby Loves Aerospace Engineering by Ruth Spiro. it was one of the first “dad” gifts i got. https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Loves-Aerospace-Engineering-Science/dp/1580895417 i LOVED it. it opened my eyes to what great kids books can be: it’s beautiful, thoughtful, and full of wonder. my daughter and i got lots of early bonding time reading it together, and it makes me smile to think of her staring wide-eyed at the cute little bird in the book. “bird” ended up being her first word! 😊 i’m now always on the hunt for truly great kids books, and have many favorites, but Aerospace Engineering will always have a special place in my heart. if you have a little one under 2, i highly recommend any of the Baby Loves Science series — Coding and Quarks are also highlights for me. 🤓
Response to: “Busy activities for younger kids...”every kid’s interests are a little different, and our kids are a couple years older now, but i think the biggest thing for us is having a space — like a corner of the family room, etc — that is explicitly “theirs” and where we can send them to play. we stock it with activities like @ktisme listed. the ones that were most popular for our crew at that age were: - an art table with washable markers, crayons, maybe some stamps. giving each kid their own sketchbook (with their name on it) was huge for them, it seemed to give them some sort of “license to create” haha. we love the Strathmore sketchbooks! - toy cars (Hot Wheels, Matchbox, Green Toys). not sure why our son loves these SO MUCH but at 1yo he could play with them for an hour easy. - a bucket of Duplo blocks is just amazing. - a bunch of brightly colored, interesting looking books to flip through. - kid puzzles (Melissa & Doug are great, but so are the simple cardboard ones) - they loved Tonies and would often have one playing in the background obv the kids would rather have been watching TV, but i think having their activity space kind of put them in the mode of “ok it’s time to play quietly ourselves” when we would send them over there. @ritu will probably have a bunch more ideas.
Response to: “Tips for making homework fun and quick?”this is a tough one. i’m definitely not an expert: our first-grade daughter seems to (sorta?) like doing her homework, and our pre-K son isn’t old enough yet for homework. so my answer should be taken with a big grain of salt. but both of them hate doing anything routine (aka “boooring”). based on my own experience of hating homework as a kid, i hear that as code for “i don’t see what i get out of this”. what has worked for us is to connect the boring activity to a reward that they actually care about. for example, our daughter really values 1:1 connection and quality time. she loves being able to show us her homework when it’s done, and she knows she can get that time since it’s a shared goal. every once in a while i get to sit down next to her and talk about it while she’s doing it, and those are *magic* moments for her that help make homework feel positive. like i say, our son doesn’t have homework yet, but he has to do lots of other “boring” things (or so he emphatically tells me 🫠). what really gets him excited is prizes and recognition. he will do practically anything if he’s working towards a big prize at the end of the week — like, say, an ice cream outing. and most days, he’ll happily switch from “complain mode” to “zoom through chores” if he can pick a sticker at the end and put it on the (visible for all to see!) family sticker poster. it probably helps that it’s fair game for him to put his sticker over one of his sister’s stickers, which he loves doing haha.
Response to: “What are your favorite drills/activities for U6 soccer practice?”we loved U6 soccer last season! the kids had so much fun and learned really quickly. most of the “suggested” U6 drills i’ve seen online are more complicated than our team used. the focus for us was on developing gross motor skills, learning to be part of a team, making friends, and having fun. some of the big hits were: Freeze Tag one kid is “Elsa” and runs around tagging the other players, who are all dribbling around the field. Elsa doesn’t have to dribble; she just runs! once a player is tagged, she has to stop dribbling and hold her ball above her head, frozen. other (non-frozen) players can unfreeze her by kicking their ball between her legs. Elsa eventually wins when everyone else is frozen (or Elsa needs a break!). it’s great to give 2 or 3 players the chance to be Elsa in each practice. Red Light, Green Light this is really just dribbling practice but more fun. the kids dribble across the field, each with their own ball, but when the coach calls out “red light!” they all stop and put their foot on the ball. “green light!” means dribble again, and “yellow light!” means dribble sloooowly. you can make it more fun with more colors: “blue light!” might mean make a silly face, “purple light!” might mean spin, and (everyone’s favorite) “rainbow light!” is of course dancing. Shots on Goal this one is easy — all the kids line up and take turns kicking the ball toward the goal. they get one shot at goal before kicking their ball back around and getting back in line. Passing Practice the kids pair off and just kick the ball back and forth to each other. Kids vs Parents we ended almost every practice with a kids vs parents matchup. no goalies, everyone just tries to score. this was the most popular activity by far; somehow the kids always managed to win. 🤔 if you’ve got a 45 minute practice with a few minutes of warmup, you can really only fit 2 or 3 of these in each session. make sure to take water breaks! @ritu will probably remember a few other favorites. i’ll tag in our U6 coach too once we add that feature! 🙂
Response to: “What are the most important questions to ask when interviewing a nanny?”we’ve hired 6 nannies over the last 6.5 years! 4 we kept as long as we could, but 2 weren’t the right fit for our family. those 2 hires were painful mistakes for everyone involved — and that’s after thorough interviews and references. so it’s definitely not easy. a few of our lessons learned: it’s really important to know what you want the nanny to do. most candidates are great at the basic “keep the kids safe and busy” job, but the best candidates bring one or more “extra” skills: helping out around the house, cooking, teaching, activities. it’s good to be clear about what you expect/need! over the years, we realized that our ideal profile is almost like a developmental “coach” for the kids, so we updated our target profile to include relevant education and focused our questions mostly on values and childhood development. our favorite question is situational: we talk through a (real!) fear that one of our kids has overcome and see how the nanny would have approached it. we go back and forth and ask follow ups so we can get some nuance. it’s a serious job. it seems so obvious, but we didn’t internalize this at first! during our first interviews, we asked a few obvious questions but didn’t go very deep. we got so lucky with our first hire! but we weren’t always so lucky, and over time we realized that our nanny is a trusted part of the family, and spends a LOT of time with our kids, and we want them to take the responsibility seriously. in particular, we need rock solid communication between parents and nanny. one question that has helped us catch issues early is: “tell us about a time you made a big mistake. how did you handle it, and what did you learn?” simple but effective. always do a work trial. this probably goes without saying, but no matter how great your interview questions are, you won’t really know whether it works until the nanny spends a day (or two!) with your family. good luck! a great nanny adds so much to a family.
Response to: “Can we start a big thread to talk about books?”i have been wanting to get a chance to sit down and write an answer to this one @jsirenica, thanks for starting it. :) it’s hard to choose because there are so many books that i love — book time with my kids is a highlight of most evenings. so i may add more answers as i think of more favorites haha. i’ll start with my favorite “hidden” gem: The Paper Dolls by Julia Donaldson. it was a gift to our kids from my mom-in-law, and it is a treasure. i honestly get a little teary every time i read it because it’s so sweet and subtly done. definitely reminds me to enjoy every second with my kids. bonus: i get to make up a new tune for the little girl’s song each time i read it. https://a.co/d/0wnVRJI next, i have to plug my favorite author duo: Mac Barnett and Jon Klassen. there’s something about their art and humor that i just love. many of their books are well known, but here are three of my favorite lesser (i think?) known ones: The Three Billy Goats Gruff is a quick, funny read. there’s lots of word play and the art makes us laugh every time we see the biggest goat. i imagine there’s a lesson in here about greed (or maybe planning to overcome obstacles? not sure) but mostly it’s just fun. https://a.co/d/92fKBAG The Wolf, the Duck, and the Mouse will be a hit for any kids (like my 4yo) who love absurdist humor. the entire setting is preposterous but the art, humor, and adventure are great. there’s no lesson here other than “life can be quite random.” https://a.co/d/dhbAVZ3 i also have to mention my favorite startup parable: Sam and Dave Dig a Hole. this one is all about the details: the dog’s intuition, the pacing, the last page. this book is a great way to teach kids one of life’s big lessons: “enjoy the journey.” https://a.co/d/5A0sRzp finally, i’m tagging @sarahs and @EMucha who are two of the most thoughtful book recommenders i know.
Response to: “How have you been able to get aligned with your partner on parenting styles?”💯 to @ritu’s statement that “some things we’re just not going to align on and maybe it’s ok”. for better or worse, my partner and i are two different people with two different brains. it’s easy to decide that my way is the right way — and i often fall into that trap — but (sadly!) it’s clear that there’s no “one right way” to parent. for me, the most important thing to stay aligned on with my partner is simply that we are both “in it to win it” and that we trust and respect each other. that way, even when she does things differently than i would, i know she wants what’s best for the kids, i know she’s got this, and i know her approach is also ok (often better than mine if i’m being honest). if either of us thinks that the other isn’t doing their best, that alignment breaks, and we have to hash it out asap (not fun). but as much as possible, i try to let other “stylistic” differences slide, or discuss them when we’re both feeling constructive and open to new ideas.
looking for ideas for a *complicated* Halloween handout 🎃ok, here’s a fun one! i suspect this group will have some good suggestions. we are moving temporarily for the holidays, and we’ll be in our new place for Halloween. i’m excited because i think we’ll get a lot of trick-or-treat traffic — our current house gets almost none! to introduce ourselves to the new neighbors, i want to do a really fun Halloween hand out, something a little more involved than the typical candy bowl. as a kid, i remember that every once in a while i’d find a house that was handing out hot cider, hot dogs, fun stuff like that — and i want to give it a try this year! i also suspect that i’m probably a little crazy for trying to pull this off. any suggestions or ideas for me?15 answers